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A Bullied Kid Finds Strength
(Spoiler Alert!!! It's been in yourself the whole time...)
Bullies created Kung-fu. In sixth century anno domini, peaceful monks tried to change the ways of local bullies, the cutthroats and highwaymen. However they could not and continued to get bullied. Until a monk from India named Bodhidharma showed up. He came from a military background, but chose to hang up the sword in favour of a monk's begging bowl.
First he taught “yoga-like” exercises for strengthening and conditioning, they doubled as fighting techniques. First Shaolin Monks picked up the art (followed by nuns!) and were putting those bullies in their place. A legend was born, of the unbeatable Shaolin fighting style. These monks found an “appropriate response” to “effectively fight back”. Something a Tiny and Little Jory constantly looked for. Reputation spills blood. Bullies pick on the weakest looking. These lessons learned as children, fester and breed throughout teen years and often into adulthood. It's only human nature: When something works, we stick with it.
When faced with any threatening situation, fight or flight chemicals take over. Some of us find ourselves naturally paralyzed in chemical response. Some get high on such feelings of adrenaline. We learn that it is better to be a bully than to be the one bullied. It's why I often didn't blame other kids that were bystanders. I knew how bad it was for me, and I never wished it on anyone. A kid in my grade 4 class, and his brother was in grade 7. He gave Little Jory some advice: Stay away from the four square area and I won't get bullied confused by ever constant-changing rules. But what I really heard as a kid, was that he didn't actually want to bully me. It was just required. Thus kids are quick to join “gangs” of bullies. I imagine it's much better to feel accepted than ostracized.
Bullies gain access to more adult-like activities early on. Some types of bullying are even rewarded. A greedy society strangled by all this political correctness. It's tolerated under the guise of “zero tolerance” while simultaneously saying “boys will be boys”. Those boys tell you that “snitches get stitches”. We accept things, and pretend we don't. Little Jory definitely wasn't watching just the intro of CSI: Miami for anything but the ladies.
Found it yet?
(Spoiler Alert!!! Only you can find it...)
Niccolo Machiavelli said it's better to be feared than loved. How you carry yourself down the street matters. Don't walk weirdly like I do, although it can't be helped for some of us. I used to run like I was doing the egg beater to float. I always knew I ran funny, but I never knew how to run normal. You can only do your best. “There is no try. Only do or do not,” - The Little Green Guy from Star Wars (Tiny Jory). The time to talk to kids about sex, drugs, sugar, is before they've tasted the forbidden fruits. Once a taste has been obtained by oneself, the adults job becomes twice as hard. Anytime we experience something novel for the first time, we create a “permanent file” on it. If we've never experienced something, we have no reference points.
Chronic (constant, long-term) problems demand dedication, determination and tonnes of sweat to resolve. Although we admire those that take the nonviolent route, there arises situations where a shovel cannot do the work of a hammer. Fear cloaks itself in ignorance and rules in darkness. Knowledge becomes your light.
First comes "the invasion" of oneself, followed by "the domination" of your body and mind, as more and more of your day, and then life, is consumed trying to avoid a bully AND/or please and pacify them. "When you have them by their balls, their hearts and minds will follow" G Gordon Liddy.
Don't forget the Journey
(Spoiler Alert!!! The hardest journey's are the most rewarding...)
Nothing skews a kids view of the world more than inconsistency of parents. Being able to adjust to routine change is hard for humans, not just weird boys. No sure place to hang your bucket hat. No clear cut boundaries. No trustworthy referee in life. Uncertainty breeds uncertainty. Not knowing what tomorrow brings, or even recess, leads to unhealthy coping habits. The same ones that seem unnatural to adults, were most likely created in adolescence. It becomes a vicious cycle that prevents a kid from effectively dealing with the world at all.
My little sister said on this day of rafting, "I don't know what's up... It's like my brain is going so fast, that I'm unable to catch all the words" Same grade that her big brother was when he thought the same thing. I was surprised, but also grateful that I was there with her. No one knew what I was trying to convey, but I know exactly what my little sister is saying. She's my heart. No boy will ever be good enough for her. She makes those decisions though, not her stubborn older brother. And she's strong. She refuses to be abused and stands up for herself even when it's hard. It was also why I'd wanted siblings earlier, I wasn't able to stand up for her when kids picked on her in elementary. That made me sad. Adults weren't allowed to be up kids. Instead I'd show up and take her out for lunch. Avoid the bullies, make them wonder where she got to go for lunch. And I doubted very few of them had big brothers scheduling in lunches. Anything to get that smile to shine. I refuse to let her lose hers like I lost mine.
I don't want her to become hypersensitive in order to survive. The worlds full of bullies after all. I wasn't just naive about relationships. I'd thought high school ended and so did the bullying. It comes in many forms. I don't want her to have an under-inflated self-image, one lesser then the bright, beautiful girl she is. Never undermining her values like Little Jory did, by constantly reinforcing false beliefs on my own inability to combat life.
